Desire for Reconciliation

Based on the Message: Solo (An Uncommon Devotional) - Day 1.

• Genesis 3:1-10 - How does this passage speak to your situation today?
• The woman saw the tree looked good and "realized what she would get out of it."  Do I do that - look at something and not stop to think about the moral ramifications of the action - only about what I would get out of it?  It didn't stop there either, the woman didn't just eat the fruit herself, but gave some to her husband to eat, and then when their eyes were opened, they didn't fess up to the sin, but tried to hide it.
• In my desire to find a husband and have a family I find myself looking for places to hang out and not caring about the atmosphere or if it would be pleasing to God for me to be there or not.  Am I ignoring sin in favor of getting what I want?
• What will happen when I get what I want?  Will it really be what I want?  Will I be ashamed and try to hide from God?

• God, I don't believe it is intrinsically wrong to go to bars or clubs, but in the garden it wasn't wrong for the man and woman to eat fruit from the trees, only from the one tree God had forbidden.  I want a husband.  I want a family.  But I don't want to be ashamed of the actions I take to get those.  I want to make you proud.  Please help guide my steps and my actions so that I don't fall into the sinful trap laid out before me.  Help me wisely choose the places I go to find a husband.  I know I have to get out of the house to meet people, but help me know where out of the house is the right people that will give me strength to follow you.  I have a rebellious heart and a willful spirit, but I don't want to displease you.  I know you have my best interest at heart.  You love me more than I could ever hope to love anyone else.  Give me wisdom to discern your will and strength to follow your ways.

• Knowing that you and everyone else on earth have rebelled against God, what do you feel?  In what ways does this knowledge affect the way you live your life?
• It's hard not to be rebellious.  I know I want to be comfortable and loved and not told how to live my life.  If I feel that way I'm sure at least, some others feel the same.  How could I help others with my same attitude know that they are loved and that God's ways is the best way without inciting those rebellious thoughts and emotions by making them feel that I am trying to control their lives?  If I was trying to reach myself, how would I do it?
• First I would have to be willing to hear out the person trying to reach me, so prayer would be the first step - praying that I was receptive to hearing the message.  
• Second, the message would have to be presented in a reasonable, non-threatening, non-confrontational way.  It would need to be logically presented as another option of a way to live.
• Third, once it is established as a logical faith and a reasonable option, then it can be shown that it is actually a better way that it is possible to follow.  It doesn't matter how much better the life style is if I don't believe I can do it. 
• Somehow throughout all of this, if you can keep from making me feel judged, but instead loved and wanted.

• If God knows everything, why did he call out to Adam asking, "Where are you?"
• I think God was giving Adam the chance to fess up and not just confess, but to know he could have.  God was allowing Adam the choice to admit to his sin or to deny it.

• When are you most tempted to hide? 
• Shame or fear of failure is what makes me want to hide the most.  I don't want to do it wrong so quite often I do nothing.  I pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist, because that is easier.  But what is right?

Prayer

Lord,
Help me to pray.
Give me strength to turn back to you.
Teach me surrender to your will.
Guide my feet back to your path. 
I've been crawling on my hands and knees,
And I need your hand to lift me up.
I need you to fill the void in my core.
I need you.

Amen.

Searching for Enough

"Why are you still searching, as if I'm not enough?"  from By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North

Is this what I'm doing?

So I like stories.  I like to read a lot, but I have the hardest time putting down a book if I haven't finished it yet.  Even if I can tell that story is going somewhere I don't want to go there's this part of me that wants to stubbornly hang on to the bitter end. 

Sometimes I'll get a hankering for a specific type of story and I'll search the online stories for that type.  Unfortunately I can find a ton of stories just similar enough to what I'm looking for that they'll pop up in the browser, but still be completely different then what I want.  Once I start reading it, I can see the story is not what I was looking for and, in fact, is basically trash, but as my oldest sister once described a book series she was reading, "It's like a train wreck, terrible to see, but you just keep reading to see what's going to happen - fascinated despite yourself."

So when this song, By Your Side, played for me the other day this line really stood out.  "Why are you still searching, as if I'm not enough?"  Is this what I'm doing?  When I go looking for these specific stories that I can't ever find as I searching through fiction instead of with God?

I don't believe fiction is inherently wrong.  God gave us creativity and Jesus even used stories to help us understand different concepts in his teachings.  However, if the story is coming between us and God or if it is leading us astray then there is something wrong there.  I will keep enjoying fiction stories, but I pray God will help me turn to him to fill my needs and longings instead of a story and I pray he will help me set aside the trash.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8

In the Beginning